I Never Wanted To Come

Juavah Lee fled his native home Laos as a child with his family when the Vietnamese and Laos started hunting down the Hmong who helped the Americans during the Vietnam War.  He came to the United States at the age of 14 and his first job was that of a newspaper boy.  He now lives in St.Paul with his family and he still practices the Hmong traditions.  Lee’s current occupation is the Outreach and Engagement contact person at the Multicultural Center for Academic Success (MCAE) at the University of Minnesota Twin Cities. He has obtained this position for 23 years.

You'll Be Safe

I came from XiangKhoang province, Laos. The province that is closest to the Vietnam border and that’s how they [US] got us involved.  The United State’s CIA they’re really smart, the war was going in South Vietnam.  And so they came with the idea that “you know what, if we can convince the Hmong people in Xiangkhoang to attack the Ho Chi Minh tribe from the North then [we] will weaken the Vietnamese military to the South” and that’s how they got us involve.  I talk to a few soldier[s], including my father [asking] “how did you get recruited?”.  He said “no they didn’t recruit us, they just told us to do it”.  The Hmong have no educational background.  They said “lets do it.  If you come, I move up another rank and [get] higher pay and you get some money too”.  And so that’s how they got them interest in it and if you’re not joining, you better hide because they will start hunting you down. 

They said well if you get involve and if the United States should ever lose, then we will find a place for you to stay.  You’ll be safe.  And that’s why the Hmong are so confident that the Americans will save the Hmong.  Well they did, in 1975, they only make four trips, we are almost there, we got ready because they call my uncle, my uncle say “lets do it”.  So we pack everything, we were at the side of the road waiting for the taxi to take us to Looj Ceeb (lao-chang).(1)  But then the taxi wasn’t there.  We [receive a call from] the talkie-talkie saying “don’t bother, they stop picking up people”.

My grandfather and my father didn’t want to leave Laos, until later [when] they start hunting down the former soldiers and we have to leave. In 1976 when we start [to] escape, by foot, we travel at night and rest during the day.  We walk for what appeared [to be] almost 2 to 3 months just walk and rest [and] there are 100 in the group.  When we get closer to the border [of] the Mekong river, a lot of Hmong die because the Mekong river is extremely strong and we don't have boat[s].  People just jump in there with plastic bag, bamboo, logs, and with the hope that you will be floating to the other side of the border. The Mekong River, not only did a lot Hmong drown, but later in 1978 to early 80s a lot of Hmong got shot and killed.  Both by the communist and also by the Thai, because when you [move] to another country, you bring a lot of belongings with you, mostly money, and you know how the Hmong we have money, silver, coin, bars, so they kinda figured out that all the Hmong cross[ing] the Mekong River had money.  Prior to 1978, that wasn’t the case.  The Thai welcomed the Hmong and moved them into the refugee camp freely, but in April of 1978, the Thai would rape our women, our girls and kill them and throw them back into the Mekong River, and the Hmong get through that tragic for a long long time.  We was fortunate enough to be one of the first few Hmong families who left Laos in 1978 so [we] didn’t get robbed but [the] morning we got up, all the soldier[s] surround[ed] and they said “well, you gotta go back”.  If that did not happen, we would escape in 1976 and I would have came to the United States later in 1976, 1977.  We get caught, [and] they took us back.

There Are Giants

I never wanted to come to the United States.  I was crying when my father said we were gonna go to Thailand.  I did not want to come, I did not want to leave Laos.  I did not want to go to Thailand and I never thought about coming to America.  And so I was crying because I was the top student in my class.  I was the president in my class.  In our country, each classroom has a class president.  He, my teacher, was the worst teacher in the whole school, he loves me, and I like him.  I wrote a letter to my teacher [and] I lied to him.  I said “I’m sorry but my father found another place for farming and so I have to go and I will be back in three months”.  And I left that with him and we came and never go back.

We have no idea what America is like.  We hear horror story.  It's cold, it's dark, it's the other side of the world, there are giants.  That's one of the reason why a lot of people decide not to come to America.  We didn't speak the language.  Not only that we don't know what America is like, we didn't know what Minnesota is like.  We didn't discover Minnesota until we get here to Seattle because that's the way we transfer from Thailand to Seattle and Seattle to Minnesota and my family had been to come [on] March 25, and when the plane flew over, we see all the snow, and everybody say “what are those white stuff on the ground?”  But, the reason we came here was because a place that we feel that would be safe and survive.  So we didn't come here for anything other than survival.

It’s very difficult because of money and the language, these are the two thing [that’s the hardest].  I would say of course the first year is the most difficult.  Because I spoke English [just] a little bit and anything and everything has to go through me.  So all the translation, all the paper works for the family has to go through me and I have to find a job.  My first job at the age of 14 in America was a newspaper boy.  And I was able to generate about $300 a month to help the family.  Nobody can drive and so we rely on the bus.  It’s difficult because you are different and when you go out there and you don’t speak their language.  Then once you’ve been here for a while and once your children all grew up, their youth activities and other things are a different set of challenges itself too.

I came here with my family when I was 14 years old with the exception of my older brother.  He came to the United States before the rest of us.  I didn't really remember my first day, it was cold and that's all I remember.  But I do remember my first day of school because I came here in March so I was late for the spring semester but I get the chance to go to summer school.  I went to Highland Park Junior High in St. Paul and my first day of school was so different.  There were only two or three people who look like me.  The interesting thing was the food.  I'm not used to eating American food, not yet.  One of my cousin, [he’s my mentor].  [After] each of my class he would come when the bell rang he would come and walk me to the next class.  He also took me to lunch [and] he ate all my lunch [laughter] because I didn't like it.

I think [the] most interesting experience in America, was not during the first day but during my first few classroom experience.  My first semester in Battle Creek, that is when I heard the discrimination, that's when I face the discrimination.  I was in the hallway one day and someone call me a name.  I didn't know what it meant, it didn't bother me at all.  But of course in ESL we are still learning new vocabulary so I ask the teacher “What does this mean?”.  He was mad and he said “Where did you get this from?”  I said “in the hallway, someone call me that”.  And that is the very first time I learn about discrimination [and] racism in America.  That is the first that I learn how to use the word “stick and stone rubbers and glue” and it's from [my] ESL class.  And so that's what my ESL teacher taught me, “when you heard this kinda thing this is what you will respond”.  After that my teacher and I continue to talk about racism and discrimination in America.  He is someone who open my eyes and taught me about the diversity of racism and discrimination here in America.  He is one who I really appreciate and I [will] say [that] without his coaching, I probably wouldn’t realize about the discrimination in America.  When I came to America and what I heard from Middle Creek, I said, “wait a minute, I thought that democracy was suppose to help each other”, but the answer is no.  I still feel that if it was safe in the country of Laos I would still go back and live there permanently]. The level of discrimination and racism in this country is too high.  Mainly, I think, [is] because of the color of our skin.

I Would Still Go Back

[America is different from Laos] in many ways.  I think it’s good in a way that you have a lot of opportunity, education, employment, and health.  I think you can look at it in a positive and also negative ways.  Back in Laos, even though we are poor both health and economically, [but] we have our own farm.  We owned our little piece of land.  We don’t have to pay taxes on it.  We don't pay rent.  We get our own water, we have our own rice, we have our own livestock, we didn’t have to go and buy from anyone else.  Every dollar you [make] in Laos, you pretty much save for the family, [but] not in America.  In America, you pay your rent, electricity, trash, heater, water, everything.  Also [in America] we don’t own anything, you bought the house, but taxes continue to come in.  You think you pay off your mortgage, and never paid off the tax off the land.  I see it as a place to rent to stay.  I think you can look at them in both ways and I think one other thing back in Laos you can say that “[this] is my property” [but] not in America, that piece of land belongs to someone else.  I prefer my lifestyle in Laos over the lifestyle in America.
 
In term of religions, I'm still practicing the traditional Hmong culture [and] tradition.  I still have the traditional, what we call it the xwm kab (xu-ka).(2)  I still have that and my children they do understand that that is what we are worshipping, that is the most important part of our house and everyone respect that.  In term of language, it is very difficult to retain.  In my family, most of my children speak English.  They have the TV, facebook, school, [and] everything.  And it kinda beats my time of spending with them, so the only time I try to retain the language piece in my family would be at the dinner table.  At our dinner table I do require that everyone speak Hmong.  And that's the only time that I can say “this is Hmong language only, no English”.  So that's the only time that I can kinda ask my children to do, other than that, they mostly speak English.

What holds us together [in America] is we form organizations.  We have two organization, one is for family to come together twice a year just to see how things are going.  And then we have another we call the memorial foundation. And I'm in charge of that foundation. If someone pass away in a family, we say “okay” so “each family will contribute this much”.  And that, I think is the strongest one that hold everybody together because no matter how rich or poor you are, if someone pass away from the family, everyone contribute automatically.  So I feel that this foundation seem to be the strongest bond [that’s] keeping the family together.

This is a picture of me, my two other brothers, my two cousin and my mother.  My father is not in the picture because he was in the military base and this [was] taken by my uncle.  And this is my picture from the refugee camp.  I still have my T-number, this is my entry number to America.  This is my picture and only picture that I’ll keep and I share with all my children that, if you need to retreat my history, this is the number you’ll have to go by.  

So when deciding to get my citizenship, the process was not hard.  In terms of decision making yes, it was very difficult, it was challenging to me, “should I do it or should I not”.  And then honestly, if it wasn’t for studying abroad, I think I’m still [a] permanent resident.  I prefer my lifestyle in Laos over the lifestyle in America.  I still feel that if it was safe in the country of Laos I would still go.

FOOTNOTES:
(1): Looj Ceeb (lao-chang) is the major base for Hmong refugee. 
(2): Xwm kab (xu-ka) is something that the traditional Hmong family put on their wall.   It is meant to protect the family and their money. 

IMAGE SOURCES: 
1. Lee, Juavah. Family photograph, circa (1970s). Provided (26 November, 2013).
2. Image Source: link. 
3. Image Source: link. 
4. Lee, Juavah. Family photograph, circa (1970s). Provided (26 November, 2013). 

STORY FACILITATORS: 
Becka Tripp, Jalen Myrick, and Chee Moua