Home Away from Home

Varuun Murugeson is a triplet, born in Motihari, India. At a young age he was separated from his brothers.  Each brother grew up in separate parts of their extended family. Murugeson went years without seeing his parents and brothers. At age four, Murugeson's immediate family was brought back together and their transition to America began. Murugeson's father was relocated to the U.S. for better work opportunities, and his family joined him shortly after. With family scandals back in India, this gave them an opportunity to get a fresh start. While the U.S still presented him with challenges, Murugeson and his family made the best of their situation and succeeded in establishing themselves in the United States.

Family History

I was born in Motihari and I lived there with my mother’s side. My mom and my father and my older brother, Cibi, went to live in New Dehli, a thousand miles away to the north. My brother lived in Kombe with my father’s side. So at one point we didn’t see each other for years. I didn’t know I had brothers because I would see them once a year. I was raised by my mom’s side, [my brother] Reese was raised by my dad’s side, and Cibi was raised by my mom and dad.         

Primary School in India

We went to a primary school. It was a Christian based academy. It was the only closest one around. I wasn’t Christian, but it was a good school in our area so we all went.  I woke up every day at 7.  First day of pre-k, I was super afraid and nervous. ‘Cause my mom said bye and I was like what do you mean bye? Where are you going? We’re going to spend the day together. I’m super nervous. My breakfast wasn’t settling well because I didn’t know what pre-k was [and I] threw up on a kid.  Like flat out, all over his face. Messed his entire childhood up ‘cause of that day.  After I felt so much better because then my mom came back. She’s like “you have to be here” and I was like “sweet”.  I had nothing in my stomach; I was like woooh!

I spent [most of] my childhood in the US. Even at an early age academics were big.  I know the American way of life is, it’s okay [becuase] there young.  Let them mess around.  They’re gonna figure out what’s right and wrong. In India they were like YOO, school. And I hate to say it but there is a huge educational gap. I was able to count and read and write in English and Tamil and multiply before I came to the US. So it’s really hammered home.  I remember coming to the US [and completing]math sheets years before them [other students his age]. I was in the fastest reading groups always, the fastest writing or whatever. And I remember thinking like why is no one else here? Academics is a huge part of India. You come home, you get to play for a little bit, have a snack, hit the books. Eat dinner, hit the books. Read a little bit, go to sleep. Wake up, go to class, go to school, come back, play, hit the book. It was like, academics, huge part. Then on the weekends you do whatever you want. More or less. 

Moving to the US

[Moving to America] my dad’s job was the driving factor. [He] worked for a big computer software company and he got outsourced to here. We moved here in 1999, he came here in 1998. So he was here for six months getting all of his stuff together and my mom was there taking care of us. But at that point all three of us were living in Motihari. [My dad had] got an apartment in Pennsylvania. In 1999 he had us fly over. I was roughly four and a half.

We got off the plane, it was cold as balls! I’ve never experienced cold. In India it’s hot! The day I was born the heat index was 124 degrees so I’m used to the heat, the hot, I love it, I live for it! I felt like I was naked even though I was wearing a thick coat. I had a scarf, a hat and gloves, everything! I was bundled up and I was like “ooooooh yes!” Got out[side], “Fuck, it’s cold.” We stepped into this massive black dragon thing! It wasn’t a black dragon, it was a black Escalade, my mom told me. In India, I had never really been in a car. We had autos, which are like taxis, but they’re open on the outsides with two pronged wheels. I was like, “What the hell is this?” We were sitting inside, but there was heat coming out and I’ve never felt that before, the air conditioner, so I was like “WHAT?”  “What’s going on?”  'Cause all this new information I’m trying to take in. It wasn’t until the next day I was like “Whoa we live here. We flew like across the world to come into a cold place.” 

But we stayed [in Pennsylvania] for like six months and then my dad’s new job made us move again. We flew all the way from Pennsylvania to California. Then we were there for eight months and then we flew to Illinois. [Then]from Illinois to Iowa, [and] back to Illinois. Then we went to Wisconsin for a little bit. [Next] we moved to Michigan. Then we moved back to Illinois. Then we moved to Ohio for three or four weeks. We got an apartment and then my dad’s like “Oh, nope actually back to Illinois” and so I spent a good portion of my childhood trying to finish first, second, and third grade in like the city of Chicago. We lived in a really bad neighborhoods ‘cause it was cheap.  We always moved around a bunch. Eventually we came to Minnesota when I was eight or nine. And then I finished fourth grade and I’ve been here ever since. 

Most shocking about US: Affection 

Affection. Weird. I never understood it. In America, you guys are close! You’re hugging. Your holding hands. You’re talking; I’m like “what’s going on?” Coming from an Indian perspective, personal bubble is huge, huge!  You don’t stare in India.  Where as in America you walk strong, eye contact, you want your chest up; you want your chin up, like confidence or whatever.  In India it’s very quickly [established], you are the dominant person in this conversation. I am the not so dominant. You will take the lead, and I’ll whatever, in India it’s like that. Here you can have two people dominate who are looking at each who wouldn’t look down or look away.  That happens and I was like, “what’s going on?”  

I’ve developed into a way where I can be the dominant person in interaction or not. I kind of enjoy the personal space you can give someone. I also enjoy the fact in America that you can be close. Because of that, I’m a hugger now. I hug people. It wasn’t tough. But it was noticeable. I picked up on it. Where in Indian you have to have a respectful distance.  In America you can be close, you know. In India you can’t be like, “Hey, What’s up?” [People in India would be like] “What are you doing? You need to leave. What just happened?” And then in America it’s like you can hand shake and all that and you can hug. Indians don’t really hand shake. It’s Namaste, you bow. There’s not really physical contact.  My dad used to always [say], “no body touching! None of that!” ‘Cause like in India if guys are touching guys, even a playful manner, it’s weird. It’s weird. “You gay?” My dad asked me this plenty of times, all three of us. And I’m not gay. We’re just wrestling. Honestly, he never did that with his family. I mean him and his sister; they used to always play soccer, all the time. 

School in the US

 I had to go to speech remedial class. My mom taught me English in India before we came. My grammar was spot on. It was beautiful. I could write and read and everything. It was just the accent that I had, that they were like okay he doesn’t understand it. So I remember sitting in those remedial classes. “I know how to do this worksheet; I don’t know why I’m here”. Just when I spoke out loud, “Oh he talks kind of funny”, so then I had to work. My mom worked with us, my three brothers and I, and eventually I was like I can do this. Now I don’t have an accent.

At one point, like fourth grade, I was a regular kid. It never became like “oh, he’s an Indian guy”. My name was different. I just became more of a kid. Not really an American kid, ‘cause there were differences.  I had different lifestyles than other people. I didn’t really celebrate Christmas, I still don’t. Thanksgiving was just another day to me. Easter comes around. There’s eggs outside I go find them and eat the candy. It’s nothing really big there.

 

Diwali

 Every year during Diwali which is the biggest, that’s like our version of Christmas. That’s something we’d always [get] into. That’s the festival of lights. That’s when the great Hanuman defeats the great evil. Then lights are sent out. If you look at a satellite picture of India during Diwali, you can actually see all of India lite up, like a Christmas tree. Which is amazing! In India you would get 3 days off of school, [and] the government shuts down for a little bit. It is a big holiday. We spent most of our Diwali[s] here. My mom would get us off school. She be like, “can’t do it, tough, they’re in disposable for the next three days!” So I’d skip school for those days and we’d always make a lot of Indian food. We’d always go out to parks. We’d go to the zoos. We always take long walks. We spend a lot of time together as a family.  That was a big part of growing up in India. Because everybody, man, woman, small, old, big, child, doesn’t matter who you are, you look forward to it.  So I always looked forward to when Diwali came up. We always take off work and that was when we went to Disney World and Sea World and all that. I enjoyed Diwali a lot! That was a family tradition that we always had. 

 

Arrow points to Motihari, India during Diwali. Satellite View

College and Future Plans

College was just something that you do. You know what I mean? I mean high school is normal in India. Plus 12 is what they called it so I would do that over there. Like the U.S. we had entrance exams so we would take like ten, depending on what kind of school, and then your major would be set. You would either go to a technical engineering school or biomedical school, like one of those. In America you come to the U. You can be in CLA, or CFans, whatever, it doesn’t matter. So my mom was like “what’s that about?” And I said “well that’s every school”. It wasn’t hard.

 

I’m majoring in psych/pre-med. I’m taking the M-KAT this spring, so I’m studying for that over winter break. Grad-school or med-school is the goal or a possible job before grad-school or med-school.  I might apply to one or two places in India cause my doctor cousin-sister, which is an Indian term. She’s a very prominent cardiologist there, but she has a lot of friends in psychology, so I might be able to go to India in like five or six years and then study.  ‘Cause I’m an Indian citizen there, I would be able to get a whole bunch of reductions and what not. Plus my cousin-sister is a big help so she could lower the cost for me. Economically that makes sense. But I don’t know if I would be able to do the six years there after living in America for the last fourteen and a half years.

My mom and dad have plans to move back [to India] after we find stable jobs after graduation.  I’m going to reside mostly in America, but I would like to live abroad.  Not necessarily in India but someplace else. I like India but I think after being away for so long, I don’t really fit there. Which makes me kind of sad ‘cause I was born there. I plan on living with my parents.  At least for a few years; a few months at least when I’m older, when they move back. But not a permanent residence.  I wanna live abroad.  America has been cool and all but the world is so big. And I’ve only lived in 2 continents. I got 5 more to go. I’m gonna go just around the planet! Why not?!

STORY FACILITATORS:

Kristina Schultz, Aidan Coleman and De'Niro Laster